I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
