my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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