it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
