i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
