well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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