Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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