I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
