I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
