did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
