dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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