JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
