I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
