I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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