she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
