i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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