Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she smelled like a LAN party
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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