There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
