yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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