just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
