I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
