I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Randomize