Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
