I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
