I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
