found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
