so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
