I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
