I'm sorry my penis didn't work
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
