I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
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You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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