Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
