The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
