Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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