My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
