Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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