you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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