Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize