the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
