I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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