My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
