there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
