I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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