me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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