Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
