I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so much tequila, so little girl.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
