cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
