i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
