I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
