2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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