hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
