Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
