Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
