Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
