just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize