I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
