You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
