You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
