Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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