you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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