You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
