I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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