I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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