I hope mine doesn't look like that
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
