my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
