You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
