I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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