3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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