she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
