I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
