Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
