The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
