Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let's get the cat blown out
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
