Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
